Current State

I'm feeling a little bit like this right now.

I should be painting for my midterm on Monday. Nope. Instead, I found some Art Student Owl memes that I can relate with.

Then I made some of my own.

So...maybe this is art?

Flower Paintings

I've been working on these paintings off and on for three months now. They're taking me forever, mostly because I'm tired of painting so tightly. I'll turn them into something pretty and feminine when I'm finished.

I am not annihilated.

"Artists don't get down to work until the pain of working is exceeded by the pain of not working."

- Stephen DeStaebler

I am ready to get back to work. This past year, I haven't made as much art as I've wanted to. Even with ample time, I just couldn't/can't make myself sit down and make art like I used to. I get sucked into chores and other projects. I put it off. I'm afraid to start. Where did all my discipline go? Where did all my confidence and creativity go? I've never faced anxiety like this before. It's crippling!

I often feel like this.

Normandie Luscher

I imagine lots of sharp teeth.

Sketchbook drawing, 7/09/13

I told my friend Andrew Ballsteadt about it because I feel like he deals with similar themes in his imagery of monsters.

I also talked with Hannah Mortensen, who is also an artist and dear friend, about all this post-college anxiety. We've concluded, that a lull in art making is probably normal after just graduating and getting married. The two primary reasons being 1. We've just lost a steady support network of peers and professors, which fueled our drive to create. Outside of school, we are not necessarily encouraged by an atmosphere of ambition.  2. Priorities shifted, and we are adjusting to a new lives and new identities as wives.

Not only has my identity been challenged by graduation ("I am no longer the student. I am the teacher.") and marriage ("I am me, but I am also us'"), it has been shaken by my definition of "I am an artist." When my productivity began to lull and pause, I began to believe I was not longer a 'real' artist.

 "Consider that if artist equals self, then when (inevitably) you make flawed art, you are a flawed person, and when (worse yet) you make no art, you are no personal at all!" 

(David Bayles and Ted Orland, Art and Fear pg. 7).

Now, I know, I know, "no excuses" is what others might say. Whatever my fault (perfectionism, laziness, fear, etc.), I have to change my attitude with which I approach art making. It has transformed into an ugly, stressful, guilt-inducing burden, and it shouldn't be that way. I should love making art! I love art. Art is fun. Art is nourishing.

For anyone else, who may be struggling with similar anxieties, I highly recommend Art and Fear, and I personally would like to read Living and Sustaining a Creative Life.

San Francisco

I kidnapped my husband to San Francisco as a belated birthday surprise. We went out to visit some friends, and had a blast. I fell in love with San Francisco instantly.

Unfortunately, the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art was closed, but we did get to see some lovely student/local professionals at the Artists Gallery at Fort Mason.

Judy O'Shea

Judy O'Shea
Image courtesy of Seager Gray Gallery

Bruce Lauritzen

I also took a peek at some artwork in the San Jose Museum of Art. I found these artists and loved their paint quality:

Nathan Oliveira
Image courtesy of Alphonse Berber Gallery

Hung Liu, Cherry IV, 2010
Image courtesy of Nancy Hoffman Gallery

Lessons I Learned as First Year Teacher

1. Planning relieves stress.
• Provide fast-finisher projects for gifted and talented students.
• Calendar the entire school year in advance as much as possible including field trips and Art Club activities.
• Think about supplies and demonstrations ahead of time.
2. BE TOUGHER ON CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT!
• Post classroom rules.
• Establish Expectations.
• Hold students accountable especially with cleaning responsibilities and checked out materials.
3. BE ENTHUSIASTIC!
4. Change things up.
• Teenagers love humor.
5. Walk around while lecturing. Buy a remote your presentations.
6. Prepare better questions.
7. Grading is miserable, but procrastinating makes it worse. 
• I'm a biased grader. 
• I often care more about students' grades than they do. Spend less time giving written feedback.
8. Contact parents more.
9. Display more student artwork. Promote your program more.
10. Getting to know your students is important! Stay connected and personable.
11. I PROBABLY WORK TOO MUCH! I care a lot.
12. My school is amazing. I feel so blessed to work with great administration, colleagues, and students.

Graduate School

I am very excited and a little nervous to return to Brigham Young University for the Master of Art Education program beginning fall of 2013. I just can't stay away from school. I love being a student too much!

I think this will be good. This is my chance to get my master's degree before life gets crazy. My husband is wonderfully supportive.

I made a video

This video was made in collaboration with composer Katherine Adams as part of an art/music exhibit at Brigham Young University. The show, "Sight and Sound", addressed the legacy of Karl G. Maeser, BYU's founding president.

For this show, I wanted to try a video piece because I felt it was a more appropriate medium when dealing with sound. New genre stretches me to uncomfortable frustration, because I hardly know what constitutes decent video art, and I don't know how to edit worth beans. But, after several days and nights of painfully learning Final Cut Pro, here is the product.

E

I finally finished an old figure painting of mine. Love this beautiful girl.